Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
