It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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