you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
