i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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