Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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