It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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