Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
