sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Shame is for Republicans.
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