He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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