You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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