ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
