Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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