Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
