Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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