and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
