she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize