His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
