OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
