Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
