Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
