dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
