9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I pour the whiskey from now on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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