alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
