coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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