Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
