HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
