I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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