I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
