My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
