im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
