I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
