I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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