I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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