Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The power of my boobs compel you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
