I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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