come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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