This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
