He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
