OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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