Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't deserve a penis
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
