How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
