Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize