we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
