There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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