The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
