y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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