I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
