So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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