apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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