I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
