dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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