please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
