Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I smell stomach acid.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
