Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Congratulations! We have a period
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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