Sry I called you an 8
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
