just tell him i said nine months
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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