i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize