Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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