So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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