The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
