I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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