My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
