you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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