hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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