You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
