Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
