I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
