I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Randomize
