I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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